Trying not to be a judgy poop to Becky or myself...

Ever wonder if you are an introvert or an extrovert? I feel like it's tied in with all the other things that can "define" us. Like what's your zodiac sign or what number are you in the enneagram? What phase of the moon were you born under? What's your Myers-Briggs personality character.... the list can go on.

and it can be easy to use the above to define us or put us in a box or a category.

Because I don't know about you but when I go to social events I always introduce myself as " Hi, I am Ray I am an ABCD, #27, Seagoat Mermaid, born on an east rising sun and half-quartered blue moon harvest, mercury retrograde Wednesday. What about you?"

Now I have been sitting around a fire and gone on a deep dive of zodiacs & planets and that can be really fun and knowledgeable - with the right crowd of witches and hippies of course. Possibly under the influence of mushrooms. Better buckle up buttercup, because you're about to be skinny dipping in that full moon. LOL

I digress...

I am a self-help, survey-taking, birth chart-reading, horoscope-reading, lovebug junkie. I love them and I am not ashamed. Well kinda, haha. But only like 10 %.

Mostly because I can always find something that I identify with and it feels like it lets me know myself better, or deeper. But the truth is that those things are just ways to try to put a name on how I feel or how I "identify". As if being human isn't quite enough for me.

I am always really amazed by the results because, at the end of the day, it just tells me what I already know to be true. It's like coming from some automotive personality test just reassures me or offers me some acceptance that I couldn't quite offer myself before.

Isn't that so weird? Like I genuinely think this survey can tell me the secrets of Ray. LOL

But, to be honest I find that every day I am trying to be more introspective and really ask myself what do you want out of life, what is important to you? Yada yada... Who are you? What's really inside?

Because, as I mentioned in the previous blog. I am just not sure. What or who or where or how to take this next step in life?

I feel as if at 31 I am actually sitting down and trying to get to know myself for the very first time and this time without some survey or persons telling me who that is.

As I humbly come to you as a top-rated 10/10 would recommend star-studded people-pleaser. It can be so incredibly hard to feel as though what you are or what you are doing is going against the grain of others' opinions. Because nooooooo I can't have anyone think poorly of me or think I am a loser or whatever they think. Because if they do then that must be true about me.

What if I am a disappointment or what if I should be doing this but I am doing that... You see - that is what I like to call the people-pleasing black hole of anxiety.

Where I am a frequent flyer and if you need a tour around town I am happy to assist. LOL

I care way too much, and I mean wayyyyyy too freaking much about what others think about me, and I am sure that stems from all sorts of shits and traumas. But you know what every single person that is walking the face of the earth has some sort of something going on because adversity is a part of life just as is happiness.

I am learning to heal and deal by saying in this moment "Am I okay, Am I safe, Am I loved" and if the answer is yes. Then that's enough.

Please don't ask me how many times I ask a day.... because we are out here healing and learning yall. Like, I just asked and the answer was "yes". Yayyyy! I am safe and healthy and loved.

So let's shift gears here and get on with it.

Because you know what I am learning?

No one gives a shit, and not like in an aggressive way, but like in a... I am over here living my life too. Kinda way. and OMG, I am so relieved. I mean maybe someone cares for a few minutes because being concerned with your shitfest lets them be distracted from their shitfest. But truly at the end of the day, they don't give a shit, and let me tell you, friend. I do be digging that.

Now, don't go post something super vague on Facebook having me texting the neighborhood - "What happened to Becky" because as much as I may not give a shit. I am from Alabama and I was raised and accept that today I too am a noisy ass southern b-word.... and a human with social media. Girl, better give me that tea on Becky.

But let me say this now there is a difference between being noisy and being a judgy poop.

-being noisy = curious and wanting to know what happened to Becky

-being judgy = I think what your doing is poop and I think what I would do is better poop, Becky.

Now, be careful my fellow poop onlookers because it is a slippery slope from noisy to judgy. Tread lightly, my poop friends.

However, we do have the folks that do be giving a shit... Like foreal foreal. Well to that I say. Have you heard of Bobby Brown and Britney Spears? Because though they may not be my go-to option for super status character traits (having their own trauma and shits) - they do both sing a song called "My Prerogative".

I am also currently learning that when I feel tempted to judge someone or be drawn to their shitfest... I tell myself with my inner voice. It is not your business. Seriously sometimes I have to tell myself several times.... and I mean several times - like over and over - IT IS NOT MY BUSINESS.

Because I know the weight I feel when I think people are judging me or criticizing me or questioning my life decisions. That weight is so freaking heavy. I don't want to be the person that is adding an ounce more weight to them. Life is hard yall. We gotta learn to chill and be kind.

So I just tell myself on repeat. IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS. Some days more than others but the goal in life is not to be perfect. But, it is my job to try to be as kind as I can to my fellow poops.

What you or I or Debbie Sue do with our lives is none of our business. (obviously, as long as no one is hurting themselves or others).

You and I are the captains of our ships, forgers of our paths. There is not a single one of us who knows what the heck-oh-la we are doing, and if someone tells you they do, they are a liar liar pants on fire.

To me, there is no goal in life other than to live in peace and harmony with myself, with a second home in Mexico, and a farm in Tennessee, and to travel and experience as many beautiful things as I can. Oh and to win something off of a scratch-off lottery ticket. I have yet to do that, and I would like to at least once win 5 buckaroes.

I say all the above not because I know my left to my right but just to share with others, you are not alone in your crazy.

I can be a judgy poop... and a people pleaser and a wanna-be scratch-off winner, a known giver of shits, a Taurus born on the cusp, and a #7 on the Enneagram. (shout out to all my 7's, that glass is always half full baby!!!)

But I can't please everyone, I can't be all the things all the time, I can't be perfect, and I sure as shit can't tell you anything about anything but I reckon if we are kind to one another, and stay right over here in our lanes driving safely with our seatbelts on. We might make life a little more fun and easy.

We can ask ourselves. "Am I okay, am I safe, am I loved." if we say yes. Then that is more than enough. I am enough, you are enough, and Becky is enough too.

You do you boo, whatever that means for you... It's your prerogative.

Heard up.

See you next Wednesday.

Raise Hell, Praise Dale,

Ray

https://youtu.be/5cDLZqe735k